My Son Has Special Needs, Not An Inability To Converse With You

My son has hemiplegia cerebral palsy. His left arm and leg are affected, and he has 2 speech disorders. Despite these factors, he is generally a bubbly kid who can hold his own in a conversation with any grown-up (especially if the conversation is about sci-fi).

The thing that perplexes my son is how a conversation can change so quickly once someone notices his differences. While waiting in line to buy towels, my son and a grandmotherly-type woman were chatting. My son sat down, and the woman gasped.

"Oh my GOODNESS! What happened to your leg?!"

She was referring to my son's AFO (ankle-foot orthotic). My son looked at her with big concerned eyes. "What?" He had no idea she was asking about his AFO. Why would he? He's been wearing one since he could walk.

This is the point I have to jump in and try to (lightheartedly) explain my son. I have to make a fast judgement call on how much info to really share, because I generally get a polite, blank-stare, "Oh."

My son has had Constraint Induced Movement Therapy every year since he was one. At least 10 times a day we are stopped while someone sweetly coos, "Oh noooooo! What happened?" If it is a Daddy-type man, they usually bark, "How'd ya break it? Huh?"

What follows the initial question is fascinating. I would love for someone to do a study on how people are so conditioned to "hear" a response. I could tell a story saying that my son fell out of a tree, played football too rough, or fought an alligator while in the Australian Outback. They usually don't hear a word I say.

I generally reply, "It's actually therapy, he's not broken! He wears a cast on one arm so the other arm gets stronger. It's kind of like how people patch an eye to help the other eye get stronger."

If the person is one of those conditioned response-types, they will actually nod at me and turn to my son and say, "Be more careful next time! Feel better!" They still assume my son has a broken arm.

Sometimes I have people do the "my cousin's neighbor's boss had a problem with their hand once" type of story. I appreciate this, because although they don't quite get what I told them, they are trying to acknowledge that my son is still a person.

The best response, and the one I beg you all to try and give when you come across a child who has a special need you didn't even notice at first, is, "Really?" The people who say this will always turn to my son and ask questions. They ask if he is getting strong, is he having fun, does he like his therapists, what's his favorite therapy game, etc.

They don't suddenly become shy because they are talking to a special-needs kid and didn't realize it at first. They don't get awkward with their words because they don't want to draw attention to my son's difference.

They simply talk with a cute little kid who can tell you anything you need to know about Star Wars.

This is the way it should be. Be it a special-needs child or a person with a disease, don't get awkward and choose silence. You aren't going to remind the person they have a difference, and chances are, you will end up learning something.

In our case, it will probably include sci-fi trivia, but I hope my son teaches you that he may look different on the outside but still functions just right on the inside!